20 February 2011


how do i phrase this? he wasn't my boyfriend. he isn't my boyfriend. we used to fight a lot, then we used to make up. i tried to teach him words like "cold" and "hot" in english, but i never held it against him that he couldn't remember them. i always tried to get him to help me light my woodstove. once there was a lamp that needed fixing, and his solution was to put a new light bulb in it and call it a day. sometimes he didn't answer my phone calls, sometimes we made each other more jealous than we knew was possible.

but once, he picked the tulips out of my garden and brought them to me. once he bought me beers on a saturday night. once we sat at his parents' house from mid-afternoon til after dinner, and his mom talked to me about whitney houston and lady gaga. once we woke up and it was 2011, and we realized the party from the night before had never finished.

once, he called me from a foreign country and the next day i had to check my phone to make sure it wasn't just a dream. right now, i miss him so much.