d-d-d-doodles

18 February 2010

FINS

fins to the left, fins to the right.
she's the only bait in town.

12 February 2010

a good friend of mine always posts her fave postsecrets on her blog. this always prompts me to read them, and then reflect on the ones that stick out to her the most and the ones that hit me. this one is dead on, on point, exactly what i mean right now:

08 February 2010

a response to snowpacolypse 2010

this snow started about a month ago and has never gone away. about once a week it dumps more, freezes. it's dumping right now.

have you ever had snow enter your house upon its own will? i have.

there's half my trashcan, half of my fence.

my heating unit.

bulgarian winter beats american winter.

01 February 2010

waiting

for many summers i was a waitress. my first summer at the restaurant, i worked behind the ice cream counter, made milkshakes, sundaes, cones, sprinkles, filled bins of strawberry topping, tubs of riece's pieces, wiped down the counter, refilled drinks, stocked glasses and cups, heated apple pie in the microwave-- basically ran my butt back and forth from one end to the other.
then the next year i graduated to full time waiting. my domain was larger, and i ran myself between a maze of tables, customers, crying children, orders sitting under heat lamps, more drink refills, doggie bags, check please and the ever important question -- did they leave me (a good, or any) tip??? the night never seemed to expand past that. some nights were crazy; i cried, i fought with coworkers, i yelled at busboys. other nights were awesome- my tables were nice, we chatted, i got my ego stroked when i told people where i went to school and they replied "oh, i hear that's very goooood." still, no matter how good or how bad any one night in particular seemed, the final summary of what it was worth it came down to one thing - cash money, in hand, how much did i have?
don't get me wrong - summers were a blast. in fact, i live for summer. but, year after year, the novelty started to fade. the moment i noticed that i was refilling an iced tea for the 10,000th time, or when i finally learned how to tell the difference between diet and regular just by looking at them, or the idea that someone was really spicing up my day by ordering a root beer with cherry syrup in it, i realized something - i felt like my job had no meaning. no ultimate impact in the world, in the scheme of things. i was the provider of burgers and fries, a few jokes, a smile, and within 15 minutes of a customer leaving the restaurant he or she would forget me for the rest of his or her life. my work was unimportant.

so about a year ago i found out i was going into the peace corps- i was going to bulgaria to teach english. the inertia of my life changed. i was going to be a world traveler, learn a new language, meet new people, teach them things, make a mark in their lives, be everything that i thought i ought to be. i was going to be important. the world would surely change because of me.

now, i am one semester down and 8 months into this experience. i left school today feeling about as defeated as i usually do after spending all morning with 15 year olds. what did they learn today? i asked myself. how to spell patrick swayze. nothing. who knows what they learned. as i was thinking i passed the cafe where my friend works, a young girl around my age who six days a week serves beer and soft drinks and probably makes about 250 coffees every day. i flashed back momentarily to my waiting days. i remembered how unfulfilled i felt.
now i have a job that i wanted for a very long time, and it is the most difficult thing i have ever done in my life. there is no cash in hand to quantify how successful i am at it, there is no immediate gratification. a bright moment in the day is marred by several frustrations and the precise feeling that i was hunting for - feeling like my work was going to change the world - that feeling is nowhere to be found.

waiting tables is about anticipating what needs to be done and meeting that need as quickly as possible. the faster you go the better you are. the work becomes a dance, picking up things, dropping them off, at the right place at the right time. this job is essentially the same, except it's like i'm partially deaf and sometimes blindfolded. i'm still stumbling around. the best i can hope is that after a few summers, a few years, i'll finally get it. all i can say for now is, i'm still waiting.

17 January 2010

high school flashbacks

some things just happen unexpectedly!

....cause there's no cute boys at decatur.....

09 January 2010

in which every flight you have ever considered is cancelled

Bonny at Alexander Nevski Cathedral in Sofia

flashback to 2009 with me for a moment, folks.

It's December 19th and you're about to leave for a magical land called Bulgaria, but the most monsterous snowstorm of your LIFE hits the eastern seaboard of the United States and sends your travel plans into a tailspin including: cancelled flight. new flight from philadelphia instead of dc. missed connection in frankfort. all day in a german airport and then the realization that your NEW tickets are actually only for STAND-BY. a minor breakdown of nerves and faith in the world. a late night flight to sofia. a stay in a five star hotel with the most amazing breakfast buffet in all of Eastern Europe (the fact that there was bacon is something i'm not willing to let go) and then finally a flight to Varna, putting you exactly 3 days behind schedule. You have lost three days of your life to terminals and baggage claim and ticket counters and those stupid food carts they push through the aisle of the plane and always manage to ram into the arm of your seat just as you are falling asleep. All for a country the size of Pennsylvania, and a 22 year old named Anna O'Neill.

Once my mom and sister finally did arrive, our trip became sort of whirlwind and food centered, but not necessarily in a bad way. My family was able to meet all of my colleagues and experience a true Turkish/Bulgarian dinner party featuring lots of dancing. Needless to say my sister became the star of that night. Here she's having a dance off with one of the custodians, Nadie:

Christmas was a relaxed morning at home, lots of Nescafe 3for1 and Christmas morning food (read: bacon, cinnamon rolls). The O'Neill family collectively ate so much that day that at 2 am on December 26th all three of us woke up with sore stomachs. However- my mom had the audacity to go and LOSE 2lbs in spite of the constant eating that continued across the country.

Bons in my kitchen on Christmas, with cinnamon rolls.

Christmas dinner at my Directors house; "I didn't know what you liked so I made everything!"

We were able to see Veliko Tarnovo, Troyan and the monastery there, Teteven, the mountain between Troyan and Teteven (be warned), and Sofia. My mom, who is currently in the application process, got to see our Peace Corps office in Sofia and meet some of the staff.
Reguardless of losing three days to the inconvenience of modern travel, I'd say the trip was well worth it. My village family got to meet my real family, and both sides got a little glimpse of what my life is, now and before now. Bulgaria has taught me so much about the importance of family, and having them here made Christmas 2009 really special and really fun.